Another View on Frontier House

After they shot the pig last week. wow, people really get into this show….

Now son, stop crying. It has to be done. Well, it doesn’t have to be done, but it will be done. We’ve raised JoJo-Pumpkin specifically for this purpose, so it’s OK. Don’t you see? She’s serving her purpose, so it’s fine to slaughter her. Why can’t you understand that? Plus we’ve been out here for all this time and we haven’t been allowed to kill hardly anything. Sure, a few chickens here and there, but nothing that we’ve needed the gun for. Why do you think we even have this gun? They wouldn’t let us kill anything else very big, so JoJo-Pumpkin will have to do. But it’s OK, because we’re helping her to serve her purpose.

Now you see, even though it’s fine to kill animals – as they’re serving their God-given purpose – it’s not OK to kill people. Unless, of course, they deserve it. Are you beginning to understand what I’m saying now? No? Well look at it like this. If we don’t kill JoJo-Pumpkin, the Clunes will win. And you don’t want that now, do you? What? Frontier House doesn’t have winners and losers? Don’t be silly, son. That’s child’s talk. Of course Frontier House has winners and losers. Just like in a marriage. Boy, we sure are going to teach you a lot today.

Now those visceral tears you shed, the gut feeling that tells you that this is “wrong” – you can’t trust that. You’re just a child, and you don’t understand these things like we do. Your child’s intellect is unrefined. The world is much different than you see it. You’ll realize it when you’re older. But this shooting will help teach you. It’s a valuable lesson, son. And that lesson is that killing animals is right, just, and Godly. In the Bible they slaughter animals all the time, and you don’t see them crying, do you? If the Bible says it’s OK, who are we to disagree? You don’t want to go against God’s will, do you? I didn’t think so. So the only solution is to shoot JoJo between the eyes. Understand?

Now there you go crying again. Don’t trust your emotions. Trust my words. Repeat after me. “It’s OK to kill animals. They’re just serving their purpose. They don’t really have feelings, just instincts. They’re not alive like you and me.” When JoJo comes to play with you and likes to be scratched behind the ears, she doesn’t really have affection for you. She’s not really feeling that. At least not like humans. She’s just a pig, nothing more. The more you accept this, the easier it will be for you when we string her up by her hind legs and carve out her innards.

And there’s another lesson to be learned here: you need to understand that the world’s a cruel place. So to teach you a very valuable lesson about cruelty, we’re going to make the world just a bit more cruel by slaughtering your pig. Now you and I know we don’t need the meat for the County Fair as you’ve pointed out several times between sobs, but that’s not important. The importance is in the lesson. Now you see, we are the people who love you the most, the ones that you can always come to, and can always trust. And, despite your tears and protestations, we’re going to kill your pig for no particular reason other than we want to shoot the gun. Cruel? Yes. But a valuable lesson? Even more so. Now you may view this as a betrayal by those closest to you – the ones that you depend on for everything – but that’s not the case. Not at all. This is just a lesson. Now call her over here to the gun by name. Go on, give her a nice sweet call. “JoJo-Pumpkin! JoJo-Pumpkin! Come over here and see what we have for you.”


Now, there, don’t you feel better after learning this valuable lesson? No? Well I sure do. Now quit crying, because it’s done. Look at it like this. JoJo-Pumpkin would be proud that she’s serving Her Purpose. Pride, son. If she still had her brain in her skull, she’d be feeling pride. Did you see her come over to the gun when she was called? That was pride. The look in her eyes just before the bullet ripped through her skull? Pride. The reflexes kicking in after the shot, with her legs twitching about? That too was pride. Pride that she had served her Godly purpose. And in a few hours, as I cram her charred flesh in my face? Well, damn boy, that’ll be JoJo’s pride once again. What a fine, proud, purpose-fulfilling pig she is.

Now when it’s time to eat, we want you to make us proud. We want you to clean off your plate. We want you to eat every single bite of the pig you spent five months raising and playing with. Do it for JoJo-Pumpkin, son. Make her proud.

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